


Party Up

by foolishghoul



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, Post-Sburb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-21
Updated: 2011-11-21
Packaged: 2017-10-26 09:30:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/281451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foolishghoul/pseuds/foolishghoul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>To celebrate winning Sburb, creating a new universe, and everyone being alive, the kids decide to throw a party. However, for the trolls what the kids describe sounds less like a party, and more like an orgy. Hilarity Ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Party Up

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a kink meme prompt, where "dancing" is part of the troll courtship process, meaning a "dance party" would be also known as an orgy. Yes, I somehow took an orgy prompt and turned it into a gen-fic.

“Did you know this was gonna happen?”

John shook his head, his eyes transfixed on the scene below. Dave turned to Rose. “You?”

“I had no idea.”

Dave looked past her, and quirked an eyebrow at Jade. She shook her head. “Uh-uh.”

Dave went back to staring at the writhing mass of a trolls that was supposed to be a dance party.

“Shit.”

Dave had been the one who pitched the idea of a real party in the first place. Not only would it introduce the trolls to the badassitude potential of human culture, but also, there were only so many times a guy could play group Monopoly before he lost it.

John, Rose and Jade seemed down for the idea, and the plan was on. They’d use Rose’s house, since it had some of the most open space. Jade secured all the snacks and drinks. Dave actually made some sick fliers, and John went hive to hive in order to personally invite each troll to the “Sweet Dance Party Bitches” aka the “Congratulations Us On Saving the Universe” party aka the “Gathering of Like Minded Individuals Searching for Levity” party aka “Your Very First Human Party!!!!! Yay!!!” John said that at first the trolls looked at him like he was crazy when he mentioned the party, but eventually they had all agreed to it.

The party was on, and it had started out so promising. Sure, it had been a little weird when the trolls kept showing up to Rose’s house with flowers, or chocolates, or bottles of sparkling apple cider, but they were trolls. They got their freak on with buckets. Pails, whatever. Knowing that little bit of what-the-fuckery, bringing oddly themed party gifts was one of the least weird things they had come up with.

The snack-and-chat portion of the party was a little lackluster. The trolls were mostly quiet, occasionally talking to themselves in whispers. Every time one of the kids tried to talk to them, the trolls would give one word answers, then look at the kid like they had seven heads. Finally, John had sidled up to Dave and whispered, “Maybe you should start the music now. Things are kind of really awkward out here.” Dave gave John a salute, and went over to his turntables. This was his moment. The party was in his hands now, and he was going to treat it well.

He kicked the jams out low, at first, just to let everyone in on the fact that, yes, music was indeed playing, and it was thusly time to get down with their respective bad selves. It took a while to catch on. At first it was just John, Jade and Rose out on the floor, bravely shaking and moving and grooving for the sake of the party. After several minutes of furtive looks around the room by the trolls, Karkat was the first one to break out of his wallflower status. John and Jade both cheered, and Rose smiled. Karkat was blushing so hard his cheeks were pink, and he had about as much rhythm as a broken metronome, but he moved his arms and legs in a way that looked like a combo between the Cabbage Patch and the Running Man which officially counted as “dancing.” Kanaya was next. She tentatively walked over to Rose, and the two off them started a mini Twist competition. That was what finally broke the ice, as more and more trolls started to get their boogie on. John grinned over at Dave and flashed him a thumbs up, which Dave returned.

Now that people were actually on the dance floor, Dave was in the zone, in his element. He’d look up every once in a while, check to see that everyone was moving, then go back to choosing the next song. Making sure the party was an appropriate level of sick-nasty, potentially even bordering on rude-brazen, was his responsibility. And it was the most serious of business.

With that pressure on his shoulders, it wasn’t until Dave managed to catch John’s wide, shocked eyes, that he really noticed exactly what was happening. Something had gone terribly wrong. Dave had thought that the movement he caught out of the corner of his eye had been dancing. And…it was, for a ridiculously loose definition of the word, “dancing.” Loose enough to drive a semi through. A better word would be, “some kind of fucking troll-orgy.” The three human kids had managed to squeeze themselves into the middle of the pile, and were huddling together. This provided them some amount of protection from the shenanigans surrounding them, but not enough. As it stood, Vriska’s tongue seemed permanently attached to John’s neck, Eridan had somehow managed to get his arm around Rose’s waist and Kanaya was running her hands through Rose’s hair, and Jade was caught between Tavros bumping on her left, and Feferi grinding on her right.

Surveying the scene, Dave considered just stopping the music all together. However, without the music there was a very good chance that the troll-orgy would quickly devolve into a troll-riot. Nobody wanted that.

The fact of the matter was, this was all Dave’s fault. He had clearly underestimated his DJ prowess. Now, he needed to go save his friends from the fuck-fest he had created. He switched over to a new song, ensuring he had enough time for his mission, and dove into the pile. It was hard going. A weaker man would have fallen into despair. Dave saw hands in places he hadn’t even known existed. For two haunting minutes he had been trapped in the STRONG arms of Equius and Dave’s life had flashed before his eyes. Finally, finally he managed to make a break for it and reach his friends.

He knew the shattered looks on their faces mirrored his own. They could never go home again, now. They had seen things. Terrible, terrible things. But Dave had gotten them into this mess…he was damn sure going to get them out. With great power comes great responsibility.

“Okay,” he muttered, “ everyone link hands. On the count of three, we make a run for it. Keep your head down. Don’t look back. And for gog’s sake, don’t let go. You let go, ain’t nobody going back for you. Alright, let’s make this hapen.”

They formed a human chain, and managed to snake through the dance floor orgy around them. It was easier getting out than it was getting in, but it was still rough. There were casualties. Dave’s shades got lost in the fray, and one of Jade’s shoes went missing. When they finally reached the light at the end of the tunnel, they ran for it.

So there they were, and after Dave confirmed that, no, nobody knew just what the fuck had happened, they were left figuring out what their next move should be. It was John who piped up first.

“Maybe we should just…go over to my house? Or somewhere else not here and just let them…um…do their thing?”

The group nodded, and head for the door. Dave made sure there was enough music queued up that the trolls would be busy for a while, and hopefully nobody would notice that the humans were long gone. With that finished, he slipped out the door and followed the others.

They ended up hiding out in John’s house and watching National Treasure, trying to soothe their broken brains with Nicholas Cage. Of course that didn’t work, and everyone slept poorly that night. They were all plagued by dreams of claws, and tongues, and shame-globes.

Dave was the first one to wake up the next morning, and he was almost able to convince himself that the night before had just been some horrible nightmare. That is, until he checked his messages.

 **CG: ATTENTION ASSHOLE.  
CG: THAT PARTY WAS MAYBE NOT AS NOOK-BLEEDINGLY AWFUL AS I ASSUMED IT WOULD BE.**

 **TC: HoNk HoNk MoThErFuCkEr!!! LeTtInG yOu KnOw I lEfT yOuR sHaDeS aLl Up On YoUr TuRn-TaBlE. ThAt PaRtY wAs A wIcKeD mIrAcLe My BrOtHeR! :o)!**

 **CA: i filled all a my quadrants  
CA: all a them  
CA: that wwas the best party ever**

 **GC: TH4T W4S 4 GR34T D4NC3 P4RTY, D4V3. N3XT T1M3 M4YB3 YOU C4N ST1CK AROUND LONG3R, H3H H3H H3H. >:]**

Dave’s palm met his face, as the memories came flooding back. “Next time?” No. Hell no. Hell fucking no. Not if he had anything to say about it. Those assholes could just throw their own “dance parties” from now on.

Dave had just discovered a newfound respect for Monopoly.


End file.
